Notes on the SOTU

The president gave his "most subdued ever" State of the Union address this evening. I nerdily took some notes:
1. Laura has definitely gained some weight... and her hair cut still looks like a helmet.
2. Nancy looks tight... botox tight.
3. Bush talking about curbing federal spending and
4. stopping all the earmarking. In fact, he specifically points out the excessive earmarking in 2005.... wasn't that when the repubs controlled it? Oh yeah! I guess the party's over now. McCain looks pleased!
5. Why do I get the feeling that every time he talks about small business owners, he's also talking about big business?

The Decider

6. Why do politicians always bring up technology as the solution to everything? It's great, but Bush doesn't strike me as a big reader of Wired or even Popular Mechanics.
7. Border Patrol x 2 + IT = Safety!
8. Immigration "without animosity and without amnesty". Alliteration. Nice! Five bucks says a speech writer high-fived someone after he thought of that (I would have).
9. Republicans <3 ethanol because it means a good argument for corn subsidies... wait a second, wood chips?!? WTF? Oh... he wants to give logging companies access to National Forests. Now it makes sense. Or maybe, just maybe, he really cares.
10. Condi looks pissed... Klingon pissed.
11. "Don't vote for failure and SUPPORT OUR TROOPS." Bait and switch. Hiding behind the support of very troops he's going to put in harm's way.
12. Talks about increasing the number of marines by 92K. Camera cuts to marine. Marine looks around. Marine stands up. Good marine.
13. Mention of some kind of volunteer corps for civilians with the "skills" that could be needed in war to relieve the military. Is he talking about contractors? What laws would these people be subject to? Military? International? US civil?
14. The my-poll-numbers-suck-so-now-I-care mention of Darfur.
15. Stopping HIV/Aids in Africa... through drugs. Oh, and probably some abstinence and religion, too.
16. 1.5 billion for Malaria? Isn't that something like one fifth of what Bill Gates has donated by selling his nail clippings? Come on!
17. That's weird... 38 minutes in and he's barely mentioned the actual state of the union.
18. Dikembe Mutombo? Really? The one and only Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean Jacque Wamutombo? Holy shit is he tall! Mutombo = Laura Bush x 3
19. Approval ratings low? Try an NBA star! Men love that. What else? How about the entrepreneurial woman who invented Baby Einstein videos and is now helping abandoned children? Holy shit! That just covered women with children, career driven women with no time for children and everyone who feels sorry for abandoned children (i.e. all those that don't know who the fuck Mutombo is). Is there any more? Why not "the subway hero" that I've never heard of who displays the apparently distinctly-American capacity of being willing to risk his life to save someone else. Wow! Only in America! Europeans watch each other die while drinking wine and twirling their little mustaches! Americans are amazing. Anyone else? Oh, a soldier who was riddled with bullets. Everyone on board? Great! Let's send 21,500 more to secure Baghdad!

UGH. Time to play some Wii and forget about all of this nonsense.