The DC primary is tomorrow! While glancing through the voting booklet I received in the mail, I ran into the following candidate for the democratic nomination. I didn't scan in the page or anything, but I did take the time to type it out, as it was so retarded. Enjoy:
Democratic Party Candidate
Candidates are listed in alphabetical order)
Vermin Supreme
Vermin Supreme, a friendly fascist, a tyrant you can trust. Let him run your life. He knows what's best for you. Proper dental hygiene is essential to proper social order. "Effective use of tartar control will prevent the need for crowd control later."
-Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation of ours long enough and must be stopped!
For too long this great nation of ours has been suffering a great moral and oral decay in spirit and incisors. A country's future depends on its ability to bit back. We can no longer be a nation indentured, our very salivation is at stake. Therefore we must brace ourselves, bit the bullet, and now more than ever, as we hurdle forward over the bridgework into the twenty-third century, may we become together a nation of gleaming smiles from sea to shining sea. THROUGH WHATEVER MEANS NECESSARY. DO NOT BE FOOLED BY FALSE TEETH PROPHETS!
This law is not about:
Dental commando squads or warrantless random no knock dental inspections.
Government issued toothpaste containing addictive yet harmless substances.
Video surveillance through two way bathroom mirrors.
Electronic tracking, moisture and motion sensor devices in all toothbrushes.
Novelty floss dispensers
Dental re-education center.
Gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.
Computer chip dental implants with laser scanners at all toll booths and supermarkets.
The fluoridation of every beverage or even preventative dental maintenance detention facilities.
What this mandatory tooth brush law is really about is:
STRONG TEETH FOR A STRONG AMERICA
Gingivitis has been eroding the gum line of this great nation of ours long enough and must be stopped!
All politicians are vermin. I am Vermin Supreme. I shall lie to you, because I can. I will Promise anything and deliver nothing. I am the peoples' candidate, you are the people.
This is one of the strangest things I've ever read. So let's learn more!
Who is the Vermin Supreme? According to some newspaper, he might be labeled a performance artist. This makes me sad.
So what about the other candidates? Wait... they all dropped out and no one cares. Oh well. All those for Carol Moseley Braun say "Aye!"
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