Molt Be Blog

This whole webpage appears to be turning into one long gripe about my missing papers. Well.... I like it that way.
It was missing again today. I called up the post again and talked to the girl there for a while. At first she was just going through the standard speech about how they "apologize for that, sir" and "will add another day to your subscription and make sure this doesn't happen again." Shortly after I started explaining how long this had been going on and had her look at the records of all my calls, she started to take a little more interest. I ended up getting the number for my distributor's manager. I think I'll call tonight.
I was thinking about this problem in depth earlier this afternoon while I was waiting for one of five bosses to get off the phone. The reasons for my missing paper must either be: A) Someone is stealing it or B) Someone is not delivering it.
I highly doubt that the thief is still stealing the paper, unless he's crazy. The fact that he's been caught would probably discourage him from such actions.
I also doubt that the delivery guy isn't delivering it, unless he's crazy too. When I caught up with him in the hall after he failed to deliver my paper on Saturday, he distinctly said "oh, you're back now? I thought [skipping your apartment] was wrong."
So there are a few options that I can think of for why the paper isn't showing up.
1) There's a separate delivery guy Monday through Wednesday (at least). This is entirely possible, since I've only seen the delivery guy twice and both times it was on a Saturday.
2) There's a new thief. I kind of like this option. A new contender for interrogation would be quite nice.
3) Either the delivery guy or the thief (the old one) is crazy. Their dementia might lead them to believe that I was a figment of their imagination when they were confronted.
4) Both the delivery guy and the thief are completely insane and are constantly wrestling in the hallway about who gets to keep my paper (this would explain the wrestle marks all over the walls and rugburns on their knees and elbows).
5) I'm completely insane and have never actually had a subscription to the Washington Post. This one is a bit of a stretch given the video evidence, although you can't really see the paper in the video... It would also mean that R would have to be insane as well... Or another figment of the imagination... # 5 is out.
6) The old thief and the delivery guy are in cahoots. They've been doing this for years and years (ever since old thief started living in the building in 1977). They have a deal worked out where the old guy will steal the paper to get it, but that if he gets caught, the delivery guy will just knock on his door and give him the paper that he used to be stealing. "What's in it for the delivery guy," you ask. Well, the delivery guy is actually the old guy's estranged son or maybe his doppelganger. Though, it would be kind of weird for the doppelganger to have a job. I don't think that the old thief has a job. So maybe the old thief is the delivery guy's doppelganger. That would mean that a shadow stole my paper. Maybe I just wrote this as an excuse to use the word doppelganger. Your thoughts?